Day 12 & 13 - Tears and Rolling Toes

My practices the past two days have started in tears. I'm  sad I only have a few days left here in Costa Rica. The three weeks here have been three of the most powerful, peaceful and inspiring of my life.  A big part of me wants to stay and live in this gentle loving environment forever.

But there is another part of me, stronger right now, that calls me back to Haiti.

One of my teachers Peg Mulqueen wrote recently in a blog post titled La Petit Mort about the search to, "understand why we must face constant challenges, battle our way upstream, and continue on a path that is risky and not so much fun sometimes."

When I read her blog this morning that was when the tears started.

The tears are again simmering just below the surface as I write this.  I really do want to take an easy and comfortable path. I desperately want to settle down in a sweet place like this in Costa Rica to just surf, do yoga, get a little part-time job to make ends meet.

Reading Peg's post this morning reminded me that it's just not my path right now.  

There is still work I need to do in the world, and for now that work is in Haiti.  My work is in Haiti, and the path forward is my soul's journey home.  The saddest part is that my soul feels more at home here at Boca Sombrero on the Osa Peninsula of Costa Rica than it has ever felt anywhere.  But it's just not the time for me to be so 'at home' yet. I still have work to do to allow me to be fully ready for it.   And that makes me cry.

I started my sun A's in tears and they were gone by the time I got through my B's.

For the first time in a practice I finally had the courage to fully flip over my both sets of toes at the same time. I've been dabbling at it and trying here and there.  Today it finally set in, I did it in nearly every transition from Urdhva Mukha Svanasana to Adho Mukha Svanasana. I was so afraid it'd hurt my feet that I'd been making it much harder than it needs to be.  Today I just relaxed them and it happened quite easily.

I'll try to carry that lesson with me back to Haiti. If I can just relax into the work, just maybe the way will be smooth.

Days 8 & 9 - Keeping at it, Kurmasana

Distracted. I am so in love with doing a strong yoga practice and surfing everyday that all other aspects of my life have fallen to the side.

Day dreams. That's about all I can muster for my to-do list.  Between yoga and surfing I day dream about things I 'should' or 'could' be doing to get my life organized and prepared for returning to Haiti...and then I go sit on the beach or walk in the jungle.

It is thrilling that I'm not distracted from my new Ashtanga practice. Everyday I am on my mat for 2-3 hours and it feel luxurious and amazing.  What a privilege to have this kind of unstressed practice time for myself.

While I'm on my mat, that is one of the times that my to-do list dances around in my head. I've noticed that my mind is emptier while surfing than it is while doing yoga.  I think it is because surfing is still so new.  There is also the fact that there is water and waves that need to be navigated and assessed.

As I write that, I realize that it is my thoughts waves that are being navigated and assessed on the yoga mat. That is the practice.  To see the thoughts and to bring them back to breath and posture.  The physical postures are an extension and embodiment of that focus.

This morning while I was walking on the beach I saw an huge mama turtle.  She was majestic and ancient.   Starting my day seeing a huge turtle was a powerful totem for the work I am doing on Kurmasana or Tortoise Pose.  She was so awkward as she was working her way across the rocks to get back to the ocean, it made me feel better about my awkward attempts to get into the pose.

Kurmasana is still a total work in progress.  My hamstrings are plenty open enough for it, but there is some core tucking that needs to happen that I don't understand yet.

I got worried that I about hyper-extending my elbows by not getting my arms far enough under my legs. So now I am doing more of a prep pose that is followed by some hip and hamstring opening.  I am going to read some about that part of the series soon, and maybe even look at some youtube video tutorials to get some tips on how to move into them safely.

I did get the Marichyasana C bind today, it felt awesome to see it again.  We'll see if it is still there tomorrow and what else shows up on the mat and out on the waves.  Regular life will be waiting on the other side of this paradise.