Friday, March 29, 2013

Day 12 & 13 - Tears and Rolling Toes

My practices the past two days have started in tears. I'm  sad I only have a few days left here in Costa Rica. The three weeks here have been three of the most powerful, peaceful and inspiring of my life.  A big part of me wants to stay and live in this gentle loving environment forever.

But there is another part of me, stronger right now, that calls me back to Haiti.

One of my teachers Peg Mulqueen wrote recently in a blog post titled La Petit Mort about the search to, "understand why we must face constant challenges, battle our way upstream, and continue on a path that is risky and not so much fun sometimes."

When I read her blog this morning that was when the tears started.

The tears are again simmering just below the surface as I write this.  I really do want to take an easy and comfortable path. I desperately want to settle down in a sweet place like this in Costa Rica to just surf, do yoga, get a little part-time job to make ends meet.

Reading Peg's post this morning reminded me that it's just not my path right now.  

There is still work I need to do in the world, and for now that work is in Haiti.  My work is in Haiti, and the path forward is my soul's journey home.  The saddest part is that my soul feels more at home here at Boca Sombrero on the Osa Peninsula of Costa Rica than it has ever felt anywhere.  But it's just not the time for me to be so 'at home' yet. I still have work to do to allow me to be fully ready for it.   And that makes me cry.

I started my sun A's in tears and they were gone by the time I got through my B's.

For the first time in a practice I finally had the courage to fully flip over my both sets of toes at the same time. I've been dabbling at it and trying here and there.  Today it finally set in, I did it in nearly every transition from Urdhva Mukha Svanasana to Adho Mukha Svanasana. I was so afraid it'd hurt my feet that I'd been making it much harder than it needs to be.  Today I just relaxed them and it happened quite easily.

I'll try to carry that lesson with me back to Haiti. If I can just relax into the work, just maybe the way will be smooth.

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